I’m seeing a world of two extremes in the online space.

The first is a superficially friendly, nicey-nice, insipid, beige outlook. Those so concerned with neutrality and rose gold filters that they never quite voice a true, fully-formed opinion.

Then there’s the others, from the far side of the spectrum. Those who stomp around in knock-off New Rocks “calling bullshit” on anything that stands still for long enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no stranger to strenuous eye-rolling or sleaze-induced rage… but I will never believe in tearing other people down. There’s a difference between genuinely standing up for something for something you believe in, and going on some sort of willy nilly attack, just so you have something to say.

I don’t understand this bizarre belief that there’s a finite amount of space online – that we can’t possibly stand out unless we’re trampling on other people. I don’t buy into it.

(Nor do I accept the fake nonsense, just so you know.)

I believe in kindness above all else, but I don’t want that to be confused with being a flakey people-pleaser, because that I am NOT.

Kindness is not about being passive.

Kindness is not about blindly accepting anything you see, hear and learn.

Kindness is not about jumping on every bandwagon, joining every network, giving “shout outs” to people you don’t even respect.

Kindness is not feeling (and sharing) outrage, simply because someone doesn’t share your opinion.

Kindness is not about putting yourself (or your business) last on the list.

Kindness is not about laughing at people who are genuinely trying – whether they miss the mark or not.

Kindness is not about belittling people, or their ideas, so that you look better by default.

Kindness is not about sacrificing your voice so that everyone will like you.

Success can be yours without blindly accepting every little thing that hits you, and without being a bitch. You can be ferocious, without being feral. Empathy, grace and integrity have value too.

I want you to see that you can be a strong and successful woman/man/howler monkey without buying into any of that crap. And I know you won’t believe ME, so listen take note…

Anna Kendrick:

“I gave up on being Nice. I started putting more value on other qualities instead: passion, bravery, intelligence, practicality, humor, patience, fairness, sensitivity. Those last three might seem like they are covered by “nice,” but make no mistake, they are not. A person who smiles a lot and remembers everyone’s birthday can turn out to be undercover crazy, a compulsive thief, and boring to boot. I don’t put a lot of stock in nice. I’d prefer to be around people who have any of the above qualities over “niceness,” and I’d prefer it if that applied to me, too. ”


J.K.Rowling:

“We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.” – J.K. Rowling


Tina Fey:

“Obviously, as an adult I realize the girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying “like” all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.”


Oprah Winfrey:

“Step Away from the Mean Girls…
…and say bye-bye to feeling bad about your looks.
Are you ready to stop colluding with a culture that makes so many of us feel physically inadequate? Say goodbye to your inner critic, and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others.

This is a call to arms. A call to be gentle, to be forgiving, to be generous with yourself. The next time you look into the mirror, try to let go of the story line that says you’re too fat or too sallow, too ashy or too old, your eyes are too small or your nose too big; just look into the mirror and see your face. When the criticism drops away, what you will see then is just you, without judgement, and that is the first step toward transforming your experience of the world.”


Danielle LaPorte:

“Care more about being accurately and precisely who you are, than caring what someone might think about you.

Be daring enough to tell us–your customers, your fans, your people–about your deep desires and ambitions, because we?ll be the ones to help you fulfil them.

You don’t have to be fearless. Just be sincere.”


Amy Poelher:

“That is the motto women should constantly repeat over and over again. Good for her! Not for me.”


Alexandra Franzen:

“We often discount “kindness” as something weak, silly, naïve or unimportant.

Something for children and air-headed adults. Sweet marshmallow fluff for holiday cards. Certainly not a mark of intelligence.

I don’t agree.

I have come to believe that being kind — especially in the midst of challenging, distressing circumstances — is the highest form of intelligence.

Kindness requires patience, courage and generosity — combined with the ability to communicate gracefully.

Kindness can change someone’s entire day.

Kindness can restore hope.

Kindness is not a joke. “

Ellen DeGeneres:

“I don’t think you have to have a talk show to be nice to people, to do what I’m doing. I just think that kindness is something that we should all have. That’s an innate quality that we have and we need to, we need more of that out there. I read an amazing quote recently, “What if there was no such thing as love, just proof of love?” I don’t know if it was from the bible or an Instagram but it was really powerful to me. So my wish is for…and we have a lot of people watching in a lot of different countries and I want everyone to know that we all really, really love one another. Deep down, we all love one another and we need to get back to that. My wish is that we all try, we need more of that right now in the world. So I want…That is what most of us feel. ”


Alyssa Milano:

Kindness. Sprinkle that shit everywhere.

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One thought on “Niceness, nonsense, and knowing when to shut the f* up

  1. This was a wonderful post! I’m guilty of being Nice before all else, but I’m thinking it’s time to change that! I love Anna Kendrick’s list of qualities that are better than Nice, and I’m going to start curating those. And true story on not needing to put ourselves and our businesses last…that’s a tough one for me to admit!

    Posted on April 12, 2017 at 2:54 pm